Still Happening

Baby face

I take a lot of pictures of my daughter when she is sleeping.
No seriously
A lot.
Her face changed so much so quickly, sleeping photos seem to catch her baby-self.
She is still enough to capture how truly perfect she is, how precious.
And maybe in that extra surge of love I feel, when I look down at her sleeping face, I can’t help but feel I must capture it somehow.

Welcome to the jungle

At 10:30 this morning I knew dear sweet husband would have to come home early.
He did.
He took our precious toddling monster out while I cleaned, showered and prepared dinner so I could climb into bed and eat alone.

We should have known when she was too excited to have a bath or shower.

What followed was an epic, hourlong bedtime bonanza.

There was drumming
Tantrums
Dancing
Singing
Stories
Books
Boob feeds
Hide and seek
Running
Jumping
Climbing

There was one tantrum that involved the monster setting up a cardboard box nearly as tall as herself and attempting to get her leg over to sit on it. Then screaming in frustration when the box fell.

Then as we began to tire she began to cry, big terrifying screams as we held her. We decided the play would stop and cuddled her as she struggled to resume the party
We thought she might have a sore belly.
I sent my dear fellow downstairs for Panadol.
She was asleep before he found the measuring cup.

Remind me: why do we keep getting up for this.

Finance

Four accounts,
Each with less than $2.00.
Tomorrow there will be money
To pay bills.

No car,
No job,
No time.

But truly,
It’s not so bad,
All things even out
In time.

Virtues

Patience is a virtue,
I am learning,
Learning is a virtue,
I try to be still,
Is stillness a virtue?

I hold my darling girl as she sleeps,
My precious monster,
Otherwise I would never stop,
And neither would she.

Being tired seems to take all my time,
Yet still we run around,
Hurrying here and there,
I try to stop, to be still.

Only when she sleeps

Parenting and sex

I want to attempt to talk as openly as I feel comfortable about how sex can be between lovers after they become parents.

First there’s the physical inhibitions, the pain early on and the physical change with breastfeeding. These are well documented.

There’s the issue of time and energy, you are exhausted, there seems to be no time between the child sleeping and your own.

Then neediness, all day you take care of a tiny persons many needs, what can you give to each other? What is left in the batteries? How can you touch each other when attachment parenting has left you touched out?

Do you have sex for the purpose of keeping the relationship? Because that can feel wrong, or ultimately defeat its own purpose.

And on that where is the time for masturbation? Seriously where?

There’s the positives, those rare moments when you get it on are like rain on a desert. More passionate, more fun, and (for those who co-sleep) sometimes more creative.
There’s a joy to a quickie in a stolen minute.

And of course the knowledge that the way life is right now, need not be forever.

Dolls

I just read Mayim Bialik’s fantastic post on her sons’ love of dolls. I suspect the reason this has struck such a chord is how scared I am of giving dolls to my daughter.
I loved dolls as a child and had lots, like loads of dolls. That said I have this vivid memory of playing with my matchbox cars at school (how good are matchbox cars, seriously) and someone coming up and saying girls didn’t and shouldn’t play with cars.
I want as many diverse opportunities as possible for my daughter and so I am afraid everytime she has a doll that the world is telling her that’s all she can have, worse yet; all she can be.
Yet I read about a boy with a doll, or better yet see one, and I want to do a happy dance.
Hmm

Can I just not be mum for five minutes

So I finished, Honours second class
First division.
The thing is I’m a bit fed up.
I love my daughter but parenting is exhausting and endless.
I miss being a student.
I don’t miss the stress.
I feel more than a little lost

The one thing the modern parent needs

I realise this is possibly the most ambitious title for a blog I’ve ever read, let alone written but here goes…

Normalisation

Mothers and fathers don’t need advice they need reassurance: ‘that happened to me too, it was pretty exhausting/frustrating/both, X worked for us’
Instead of huge amounts of advice and intervention let’s remind mumAND DAD that they already know most of what they need to raise a happy, healthy child. Their life will never look the same, that so much of what we worry about is entirely normal.
Sleeplessness, nap strikes, short naps, long naps, night feeds, sleeping all night and text book napping are ALL NORMAL.
Tiredness, sexlessness, frustration, depression and anxiety in EITHER PARENT, are ALL NORMAL (though for any of those it may be worth seeking help)
Full time working, full time parenting, part time work, working from home, studying and any combination of the above are (say it out loud people) ALL NORMAL

I could go on but you get my drift right?
Homogeny doesn’t exist and the more we try and fit cookie cutter images of parenting, the harder we make parenting on ourselves.
And isn’t parenthood hard enough?

Four parenting choices I would make again

1. Breastfeeding: for us this has worked, boobies have, nourished, soothed and relaxed my precious monster. Feeding has created a strong bond, given me and the monster time belonging only to us.
2. Baby wearing, loads of touch, easy to get on with life. Good for all terrains, naps and relaxation.
3. Baby massage, my husband and I took a class early on. Aside from the benefits of massaging an infant, the woman running the class helped us to realise that we were the best qualified to decide how to raise our daughter.
4. Baby lead weaning, I never even thought of this until I came across the book. Being able to deal with food for herself has given lour little one excellent dexterity, has made family food preparation easier and, to our surprise, healthier.